Selective Mutism. These words mean more to me than anyone will ever understand. So many memories attached to it. Stories. For years, throughout my childhood up until my early teens, it is what I lived with. Silence. Deep silence. I have opted to starting blogging about my story in order to help other and bring a greater sense of awareness surrounding this matter.
Please be patient with me as I walk this journey out and open up. Vulnerability is risky but I am ready to open this part of my life. The process leading up until now has been a painful one at times as this was a chapter, a part of my life, that I had closed very tightly. So much hurt. So much shame. So much self hate for having been "that kid" that was selectively mute and had no real clue what the heck was up with her world. Rejection. Depression. Horrifying anxiety. Being the silent kid that could not speak up. So much frustration. From a very young age I cried myself to sleep asking God "what is wrong with me?" Never really understanding why selective mutism was my reality. From age 3 to age 12, this is all I knew. An internal prison with no way out or no real key to set me free.
Once I had started to "talk" at age 12, I vowed to myself that I would close this chapter of my life never to re-open it. But now, my voice is needed regarding this topic. Now is a time for deep healing. And hope. So much HOPE. Not only for me but to those who have lived through this, those who are currently living it, and those who will come into this world and live with it. There is HOPE.
I plan on posting my story bit by bit on a weekly basis. So stay tuned, as the story unfolds and as I open up on the matter.
Thank you so much for being vulnerable and brave. The voices that speak about selective mutism are needed, as there’s still not enough awareness surrounding it. I relate to your story so much and the feelings of being confused. I wish my parents had known about sm when I was a child. It would have made a difference in my life as I’m sure your story will help someone else! ♥️
Bless you as you write about those difficult years. May the eyes, hearts and mouths of those who struggle in many ways be open to heal as they read your story. ❤️🙏🏼